How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
