I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
