Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
