from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
