Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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