I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
