i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
