Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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