My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
