The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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