Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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