did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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