Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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