took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
