operation have a gay friend backfired
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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