my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
