his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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