matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
