i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
