Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
