Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Randomize
