i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
