I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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