All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
