a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
now i know why i became what i already was.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
