im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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