He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
