we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
