He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
