My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
