they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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