No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
