If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
