Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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