dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
