If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
