I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
