But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Randomize
