This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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