people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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