my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
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