So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
