I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
