u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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