I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
