No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
