Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
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