if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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