If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
