Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
