Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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